I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
