You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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