wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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