just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
