So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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