my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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