i just wanna soil my oats bro
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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