I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
