it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
