is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
