I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
