So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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