this beer tastes like vomit already
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
