he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
