Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Someone shattered a urinal.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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