Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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