mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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