so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
