sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
