I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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