what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
