wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i drank out of a bidet.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
