My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
