wrigley field is MILF paradise
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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