She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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