Whod you bang
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
