ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
