I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
