I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
