are you still at the devil's house?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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