gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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