For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
