Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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