My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
