I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
