you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
