I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
