So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
