Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
