I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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