my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize