Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
