i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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