Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
His nipple licking is glorious
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