i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
