I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
