he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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