seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
