i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
