dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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