Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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