Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
