Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
