if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
