i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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