well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i just made my gag reflex go away.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
