I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
