in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
