I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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