Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
