areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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