twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
