After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
