Do you still have your period?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
