So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
