Define "chronic" masturbator.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
