She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
