last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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