Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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