What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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