That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
third nipple confirmed
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I want a musical about memes.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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