Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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