There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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