I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
