cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
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Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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