she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
