32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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