It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
