he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
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I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
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he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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