plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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