Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
