i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
