Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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