I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
