DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
zippers are such a cool invention
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
